Pinch Tail and Suck Head

To Vida@tothebone.net: Okay, so my friend Suki got engaged last month and decided instead of an engagement party they are having a crawfish boil. Seriously. They are going to boil a bunch of disgusting looking giant bugs alive and then... eat them. Eeeeeeeeewwwww. But I am the matron of honor so I guess I have to go. And not gag. Also I am bringing dessert. So what goes with beer and bugs?

Turns out: brownies. Also turns out to be the most fun I have had in years. We drank; we danced (HEY- macarena!) and we ate. Bugs. Big freaky looking beady-eyed crustaceans known around these parts as Mud Bugs.

Okay, so I only ate one. But hey, I was a sport and that's what counts, right?

So, for the uninitiated. let me give you a run down of how this works:

1. Beer. Lots of beer.


2. Crab Boil - a VERY spicy mix added to the boiling water to give flavor to the crawfish.


3. More beer.


4. A large pot and big oar-like stick.


5. More beer.


6. A second Crab Boil-filled pot with potatoes; corn; mushrooms; onions and beef sausage.


7. Beer.


8. Drop the mesh bag filled with live crawfish into the boiling water and press down with the stick. Secure the stick to a bar attached above the pot. This keeps the bag underwater. When the bag no longer tries to float the crawfish have absorbed all of the spices they are going to absorb and are now ready to eat.


9. Beer.


10. The mesh bag is lifted out of the pot with the stick and immediately placed in a large plastic garbage bag to retain the juices. Since Suki never does anything half way she went all out and provided a crawfish table; which looks like a stripped pool table but instead of side pockets there are two large round holes side by side in the middle with removable lids. Beneath the lids (and holding up the table) are two large barrels. After dumping both the crawfish and the veggie/sausage pots onto the table, the lids are then cleared off and removed, thus giving you a place to dispose of the shells and a place to put your beer. GENIUS!


11. Beer.


12. Everyone gathers around the table and starts grabbing up mudbugs. They remove the heads and legs (some suck the heads, me - not so much) and pinch the tail to expose the meat which actually looks a lot like a shrimp. They then pop it in their mouth, chew, swallow and wait. Generally within five seconds or less the spices kick in and your mouth either a) burns or b) goes numb. Mine? Both. At which point you immediately reach for your beer and pray for the best. Repeat until either all the mudbugs are gone or you die.


13. Did I mention beer? Lots and lots and lots of ice cold beer.

Add a group of really cool people, great music and understanding neighbors (Real fun? Rarely quiet.) Mix well and feel the burn. Oh, and the snotty little attitude?(ahem...yes Me, I am talking to you). Check it at the door.

Shower Dancing Syndrome

voicemail for Shel: Hey sis, sorry I missed your call. I was shower dancing......

Okay, for the uninitiated shower dancing probably sounds like pleasurable experience. A little music, a little scented soap, shaking it under the flow. Um, no.

Think more along the lines of St. Vitus Dance with a side of Tourettes. Shower Dancing is a rarely spoken of disorder that is limited to those unfortunate souls who are the sole source of estrogen in a testosterone heavy household. For reasons best left to the scientific community, when the female of the clan enters the shower, the sound of the rushing water awakes in the male of the species a sudden and, apparently, irresistible urge to proceed immediately to the closest bathroom and flush the toilet. Upon which action the water in the shower will inexplicably (at least to the male) switch from a comfortably warm temperature to a searing hot attack on the nude body of the hitherto oblivious female.

At which point the female will jump, twist, and thrash about; wildly searching for the source of the pain while being blinded by the soap inevitably running in her eyes ; introducing a combination of sudden pain and immense frustration which will cause her to issue forth a stream of invectives not matched since the Osbourne's family reunion.

Eventually, she will find the hot water spigot and slam it to it's furthermost right position. This generally occurs approximately five seconds before the water temperature would have returned to a bearable level. Instead, with the hot water now off, the soaking wet female, gasping for air and fiercely rubbing at her burning eyes; will now find herself being assaulted by a frigid stream of icy needles, made all the more intense on her still singed skin. And the dance begins again.

To date science has yet to find a cure for this heartbreaking disease. Shower Dancing Syndrome (SDS) is known only to strike in single-female households. In homes with even one additional female present, the syndrome rarely occurs. It has been hypothesised that the additional estrogen brings the natural response to the male's bee-line for the commode of "Don't even think it about Buster!" thus preventing the initial attack from occurring.

There have been several attempts to stop this awful disease in it's tracks, unfortunately shy of women being given their own separate home, the future of those suffering this disorder is not promising.